A game of two halves....

So I'm single again and it was not by my choice, even though I might have been the one to say we had to split up.

It's taken me a while to come to write this. I've taken time to let things settle and to understand exactly what happened and to be able to describe the situation (and its aftermath) without emotion, without the upset, without any resentment.

For the first 6 months I enjoyed a wonderful adventure with a lovely woman who could have become a big part of my life. We had many good times; Shakespear in the college grounds on a lovely summer evening, a Gorillaz concert, Cadbury's World, the Secret Garden, live stand-up comedy and a day at a car show show followed by Muse at Wembley. Sadly, it did not last. Around September or October it all seem to start to change. Was it meeting my children that did it? She said she'd hesitated from meeting me when she saw I had a 4 year old. Was it that holiday with her friend in Italy that gave her time to reflect?

Inspite of that I've had a really lovely Christmas and looking forward to a much brighter future. I've refused to fall into what I went through after I separated from my wife. This time, the wallowing was short-lived, there's no empty bottles of JD in the recycling bin and the sleep has been really good. I'm feeling really optimistic and I feel confident that 2011 will be the best year yet, but more on that next time.

Goodbye Beautiful Lady

A few days ago my Auntie Evelyn died. Although suffering ill-health for probably a decade or more, she remained probably the most positive and optimistic person I've ever met. She'll be missed by many. RIP Evelyn.

Running....

Running, what's that all about then?

Some people seem to enjoy it, others will only run for the bus. James May refuses to do it on TV. I think we all want to run away from time to time but pretty much always manage not to.

I started running again this year when the amount I could ride dropped significantly. I have to say I don't enjoy it and if it were not for my work-mate and training partner Andy I probably would rarely get out. Andy has just signed up for the London Marathon next year so has some work to do. I admire him for making that committment and I intend to support him by running together twice a week right through the winter.

Yesterday I joined many others in the Cambridge Science Park Fun Run. The term "fun run" seems like a massive contradiction to me. However, we did have fun. There were lots of people in fancy dress but some taking it deadly serious as they battled it out for the best time. Most importantly, whilst I have not seen the figures I assume we raised a lot of money for Children in Need.

Spare a thought for my boss, who pulled a muscle in his leg in the warm up and then could not take part.

Memories of ........ seeing the light

When I was younger, not that much younger, I used to see the light a lot more than I do now. I'm not suggesting early onset Alzheimer's is kicking in or anything like that but just that I used to appreciate the environment, the light and the landscape a lot more.

When I lived in Scotland one of my passions used to be landscape photography. It was easy when I lived 40 minutes drive away from Loch Lomond, two hours from Glencoe and less than four hours from the Isle of Skye. I aslo had a passion for hill-walking, which I miss. I loved being in an amazing (probably well researched) location before dawn (often after a 2 hour drive!) when it was quiet and it was really possible to feel like the only person in the world and at one with the landscape. I often went alone but for a while shared this passion with a neighbour, Mike, with whom I also shared a sense of humour which made for great trips.

Above is a taster of the picture I used to take.

Alma matra

On Saturday I went back to Hull University, where I spent six years of my life doing firstly a degree in chemistry and then my PhD. It was 18 years ago that I left. Now my eldest son Tom is in his final year of “A” levels and looking to read Physics. Whilst Hull is not his first choice they are asking for lower grades than other places and so he is using them as his contingency.

We crossed the Humber Bridge and headed into Middleton Hall for the University intro talk. That was all interesting enough. The Chief Exec of Coca Cola is a Hull grad, did you know that? Afterwards we hit the Physics dept for 90 minutes which included a talk, a tour and a demo. One of the guys there is working on materials that are hybrids between the liquid and solid states and one of the others is working on how ants manage to walk up walls and across ceilings. They have developed this non-stick coating which is so good that water won’t run on it (it just forms a ball) and the ants can’t get a grip either.
It was great to be back in Hull. I have very very fond memories of the pace and my time there. I showed Tom the window of the lab I did my PhD in and we went in the library up to the top (7th) floor to show him the physics books (right next to the chemistry books). We also went to look around a university owned student house on Auckland Avenue, one of the streets I used to live on. We went to the students union, which now has a night club inside and the shop has moved downstairs. I bought some funny gifts for Binnie.

Afterwards, we took a drive into town. Wow, it was congested. Much of it was the same but it was clear there had been some redevelopment. A good place, I think and as I said many a happy memory. I’m envious of the fun Tom has ahead of him at University, whether it be Hull or elsewhere, although we both know there is a lot of hard work ahead of him!

South Downs Way - day 0

SDW day 0
So, the big day arrives!!! Feeling somewhat bloated, sickly and with a throbbing headache (it's going to get better!!) I leave Cambridge and head south. After picking up my bike lock from work and filling up with diesel I take the M11 south and hook up with Steve and Andy at Dartford services. Following an hour's coffee stop to "catch up" we head off to Alfriston. Arriving late afternoon we dump Andy's A2 and jump in the Disco to go off into Eastbourne. During a nice walk along the front we buy trinket bracelets and necklaces and find a lovely Italian restaurant. Back to the guesthouse and Andy wins the toss so gets the single room!!! Steve and I will be Morecambe and Wise tonight!!!

Following a look at the maps it's off to the local hostelries for some "Lady Lagers". In bed by 11 ready for an early start.

South Downs Way - day 1

SDW day 1
What a great day to start. Up early so the boys could have a full English while I went for the healthy option!! Away by 8 am and the traffic was kind to us so we were parked up in Winchester not long after 10 am. Ride into the town centre and pop in at Simply M&S where I convince the boys to go for a healthy lunch and it's round to the cathedral. We get pictures of the three of us from the lovely German tourist and we are away, in completely the wrong direction!! Backtrack, start again and we manage ok second time round. The weather is good but the hills are not. The boys discard their helmets after only a few miles. There is much complaining about having brought too much stuff and we seem to be going so slowly even when we have not stopped for Steve to rummage through his bag for something we think is a figment of his imagination!!! The scenery is nice and around lunchtime we stop for orange and lemonade at a pub but wait until we are round the corner before tucking into our salads. In the afternoon, Andy manages to fall off after hitting some surfaced roots but he's ok. By that time it is 4:30, we still about 6 or 8 miles out from our stopover place and then I need to ride back to Winchester, some 20 or so miles by road to get the car!! We agree I should leave them. I speed off and get to our turnoff point for the B&B by 6 pm. Just the little matter of collecting the car. Of course whilst we had been driving from Eastbourne and using my iPhone for music and navigation I had not thought to charge it so it's been low all day. Now there is only emergency juice in it so I have to relay on my own sense of direction and help from strangers. Refreshment comes in the form of sour fizzy cola bottles and coke and I find the right road and I'm off. Only not too fast at all! I'm quite tired and now it's my turn to be going slowly and taking too many breaks. At one such break I go to pick up my bike and the back wheel has managed to cone loose somehow! That could have been a very nasty accident. I also turn to PED's (performance enhancing drugs) for the first time in my life and hit the paracetamol to ease the aches, especially my back, which after 6 hours in the saddle is starting to complain!

I eventually make it back to the car not long before the sun goes down. As I'm riding back towards the B&B Steve rings. They've got off route and it's up a big hill back to the trail. They have not got the strength so they've decamped to the pub and can I pick them up. I do, we head to B&B and chuck our stuff in before heading back to the nearest town to MacDonalds. Everybody is shattered and asleep quickly and tomorrow the boys have extra miles to do!!!!!!

Steve and Andy 25 miles
David 48 miles

South Downs Way - day 2

SDW - day 2
Monday night was interesting. Steve declared that he was so tired that he needed the room to himself with double bed. Ok, I take the top bunk in the other room and that works well as every time Andy wakes me snoring I just rock the bunks and that wakes him enough for him to stop. Not the best night sleep but in between the interruptions I enjoy a deep sleep.

Started the day watching the boys have breakfast, their normal full English whilst I take a more healthy option. Then I drive them back to Buriton, where they stopped on Monday (and drank beer without me!!). Once they have been deposited I drive the car onto West Harting, only a few miles past my starting point, and head back by bike to meet the trail where I had left it the day before. That all works well and in under an hour I'm back on the SDW and wondering if they are in front of me or behind me. I text (waste of time due to lack of signal again) and wait 15 minutes before heading off. I catch them after a while and we enjoy a nice morning ride together. By 1:30 we are on Cocking Hill. I leave them so I can attend to the logistics of the car, cycle back to West Harting and drive it all the way over to Bury, our next stop. The roads back to Cocking go all over the place so it takes me ages to get back on the trail (5 pm). I've already had a double ice cream stop and hit the paracetamol as my back is aching again (fancy that, after 6 hours in the saddle!!) I drive on as fast as my legs will go but now I'm walking up hills too. After a few miles I manage to break my seat and I'm sitting on it less and less. One of the rails just collapses under me on a descent!!!! I spend much of the rest of the ride standing on the peddles which does n't help the back issue, fortunately the drugs are working just in time. However, the day is just a pleasure. This part of the trail is lovely. Great views helped by the evening sun, fantastic trails and I'm really having a ball inspite of my minor issues. I speed into the b&b at 7 pm, just about 1 hour after the lads. Plenty of time for tea and cake, a chat with the landlady and then off to the pub for the most expensive average steak and kidney pudding ever (the chef should have gone to Tesco's to buy a Fray Bentos!!). Afterwards, I manage to get a signal to make a call which is no mean feat here in the grim south. Thenback to the b&b for some more gentle ribbing before I head off to my own ro (yippee!!) for a good nights sleep.

Steve and Andy 24 miles
David 44 miles

South Downs Way - day 3

SDW - day 3
Bury to Pyecombe. Did not pan out as expected this one.
Following the usual breakfast routine we headed off relatively early. Even leaving the guesthouse provided it's "moments" as our landlady was quick witted and, perhaps, a little too honest. As she cleared away the empty plates that were boys full breakfasts she turned to Andy and asked him if he would like anymore, as he "clearly has a figure to maintain". First time I've seen Andy speechless actually. After we had officially left but were still on the drive "discussing" the logistics of the day she came out and told us "to stop bickering like a bunch of old women"!!!!
Well, eventually we dragged ourselves away from the fun and started to ride. Although rain was forecast, possibly from dawn, the morning was overcast but with plenty of sunny spells. I decided that I could not beat them so would join them in pushing bike up hills and conserve my energy for when I was riding alone. We stopped for lunch part 1 at 12:02 (I remember as Steve was going time the break) but I left them at 12:14. I made good speed past one road and down to the river and the second road at which point I planned to leave the trail. I texted Steve with my time and position feeling very impressed with myself and very I pushed off only to realise my front tyre was flat (impact puncture from the descent??).
A quick change and I'm off just before it starts raining, which it does for about 30 - 45 minutes and quite heavy for 5 or so. The strong wind is in my face too but the greatest irritation is caused by the bloody truck drivers who think they only need to leave me three inches and I won't be upset by their thirty tonne trucks.
I hit the bike shop and roll in a warm welcome from a nice lady (remember I'm pretty bedraggled by now) who sells me a new saddle (£30) and a multi-tool to replace the one I left at the side of the road when I punctured (£15 - expensive day!!). I head off back to car in the sunshine and make good progress in drying out.
Steve had texted me and said they had reached the point where I turned off the South Downs Way at 1:30 pm. That only left them about 6 miles to go so I was thinking they would be at the guesthouse very early. In which case I could complete today's section tomorrow and we could head off into Brighton to mouch about and find dinner. I grab the car and head off to the new B&B, very pleased with myself for the new plan I'd just hatched and the fun we were going to have that evening. En route I stop off at a shop and buy 15 lucky dips for tonight's double roll over Lotto, as we'd agreed. I'm served in the shop by a lovely young girl who is being quite chatty so I say to her "the next time you see me I'll be a millionaire". Quick as a flash she comes back at me by point the index fingers on both hands straight to her face and saying "then remember THIS face"!!!!!
I get to the guesthouse and am somewhat surprised to find I'm the first here. After "checking in" a quick chat with Steve suggests the boys are tired and bickering but just at the top of the next hill hiding from the lightening in a wood. Further communication later states that they were not where they thought and they do not arrive until after 6 pm. It's a bit late to go far by then and the recommendation for the pub across the road is strong. Furthermore, our lovely hosts Wendy and Terry invite us to share a pre-dinner drink with them.
Dinner is excellent. Calzone and banoffee pie for me washed down with more lady lagers. Andy gets the single room.
Steve and Andy 22 miles
David 25 miles

South Downs Way - day 4

SDW - day 4

Usual breaky except Steve goes healthy. Boys set off on bikes whilst I drive back to Steyning in order to pick up the trail where I left it. I race across a couple of hills and I'm back at Pyecombe on 90 minutes. People are paragliding off Devil's Dyke and at the other side they seem to be rolling down in "hamster balls". As I'm passing Hobb's Cottage again I get Wendy to fill my bottle (cheeky!!). I then set off chasing the boys hard, foregoing the services to pick up lunch and race after them so fast I miss a sharp right turn and head down a big hill back a T-junction where there are no signs for SDW. I fly down a big hill and hit a T-junction with no signs. Five minutes with map and gps (that would be iPhone then) confirm I've gone wring and I need to climb back up that hill. Fortunately, it is tarmac so does not feel so hard. I take my frustration out on the pedals, not even stopping at the ice cream van!!! I catch the boys just in time for lunch and we ride that afternoon together. I'm wearing my sleeveless v-necked T-shirt in order to try to get some colour up my arms (this has been referred to as the "muscle man" T-shirt which causes Steve to comment that I might be breaking the trade descriptions act!) Anyway, it works, I get good colour and probably only the repeated administration of lashings of aftersun stop me being in pain.
Towards the end of the afternoon the winds gets up. The good news is that it is pushing us home but it is also quite cold. I only have half a shirt on and Steve starts getting ear-ache so ends up with his gloves hanging down out of his helmet (sorry, no photo).
The last parts of these rides are always the best. After around twenty miles you are tired and in spite of the great time you are having you are ready to arrive at the welcoming B&B. Once you crest that last hill, see the village you are aiming for and know it is all downhill from that point, the rest is just awesome.
We arrive at the B&B in Alfriston in good time where the landlady tells us that the single room has not been used all week and the bed still has the same sheets on from when Andy slept in there on Sunday night. Well, that's tonight's sleeping arrangements sorted then, thanks.
After retrieving my car (Andy drove me back this time) we all shave and shower and head off hunting for dinner. The boys have been drooling for a steak all week and as this small village seems to have three pubs serving food and a restaurant so we have choices. The guys get their wish, whilst I enjoy some lovely lamb (and banoffee pie for the second night in a tow). We spend the rest of the night in the pub across the road because we think it is new to us but as soon as we walk in we remember that we watched Top Gear in there on Sunday night. In all, we have five drinks each, the majority of them "Lady Lagers" before heading off for some well-earned sleep.
Steve and Andy 21 miles
David 26 miles

South Downs Way - Day 5 - the finish

SDW - day 5
Last day. I'm already feeling a twinge of sadness as I wake. There seems to rather a lot of bathroom activity, even before I get up.
We have breakfast and then Andy and I drop the disco off on the seafront at Eastbourne. As we drive back Andy is maybe a little subdued, but I put it down to sleepiness. As we arrive back at the B&B in Alfriston Steve is just getting the bikes out. Andy is back in the toilet and when he comes down he does not look well. We give him a few minutes sitting on the bench and then wander over. He's not well and does not feel as though he can ride. He's upset and apologising to us but we tell him to stop being silly. Sadly, Steve and I ride off alone. It's a nice day again and we go over one hill and down into Jevington before going up a second hill, crossing the main road into Eastbourne, pausing to take photo's of the town and cliffs in the opposite direction. We then ride down the last hill and into the town. For me the ride along the seafront is a mixed bag of feelings; we've done it but now it's over. There's one last photo opportunity at the start of the way (yes, we did it backwards because I think traditional people went on pilgrimages to Winchester).
We sort the bikes into their respective cars and head off for dome seaside fish and chips. Andy seems to be feeling better but the conversation is lacking somewhat. Are we tired or just sad that our great adventure has come to an end?
Steve and David 8 miles

Final thoughts:
What an amazing week. The riding, the weather, the company was all great. The boys were immense given the extra weight they are carrying and their poor preparation. We suffered only one puncture and one broken saddle (both for me!) and no real injuries past the food poisoning. Loved it. Hope to do it again some year.

Racing the clouds home.....

When you were a kid did you ever get out of the house and race off to meet your mates on your bike. You've left the chaos and control of home back behind you and as the wind rushes through your hair and you are forced to breathe deeply you race towards your mates, your kindred spirits? To a much lesser extent I still get that feeling every time I ride. I love it, I really do. I understand to others it is a chore and to yet others it is just impossible, so I'm very fortunate. Last year, I nearly did and would have ridden 4000 miles had it not been for the adverse weather from December 18th onwards. (This year, due to changing circumstances it has probably been less than 1000.)

I've always wanted to go on a journey too. I've read some Bryson, watched "The long way down/around" and read a great book called "Boogie on up the Pennine Way" and every Christmas dinner since then I've tried to convince my brother we should walk the Pennine Way. Always to no avail and the conversation got shorter every year. So, imagine my surprise when "Mr Non-cyclist" suggested this year we should cycle the coast-to-coast! Next thing Andy is coming along too, he's already booked the first week of August off work :-0. Now both of these guys are new back into cycling and need a training course. April starts well with laps around Grafham Water in between a Dave's special bolognaise and far too many Stella's and JD's in the pub. May is ok but the ride around Rutland Water in the rain starts with technical problems and with the persistant rain does n't get any better. In the end we fail to do the penninsula and manage the rest at less than 8 mph. After that, we failed to meet up again as a threesome but the Nuneaton pair and the Cambridge singleton continued "training"separately. Teaching courses, extended business trips to Japan, other work and injuries had a big effect on the preparation. So the coast-to-coast turned into the South Downs Way. It is shorter, with less climbing and the weather SHOULD be better, honest guys. Accommodation was booked, maps and guides were bought and bikes were updated (in one case, there is not much of the original bike left!!).

So, as I write it is the two days before the ride starts. People do do it in a single ride of around 12 - 14 hours (infact, off road bike fitness freaks do it both ways in under 24 h) but we are planning to do it over 5 days. That's 20 - 25 miles per day which should be managable for all and hopefully, enjoyable too. There should be some good laughs, some good views, some clear air, some good food and drink and some good exercise. I hope to post it all. For me, I'll make it more challenging by returning for the car each day and doubling the miles.

The itinarary is:-

Sunday - drive down to a village near Eastbourne
Monday - leave a car there and drive to Winchester, cycle first 25 miles
Tuesday, Weds, Thurs - ride about 20 miles each day, returning Thursday eve to original B&B just outside Eastbourne
Friday - complete SDW by riding past Beachy Head into Eastbourne and then back to original B&B before driving home.

I think we have all spent a fortune preparing. Just today I laid out £50 on new tyres. Well, there is no point having a great bike and putting cheap bits on it is there?

So, we'll see what happens. After weeks and weeks of sunshine it's been grey for the last week or two and it's raining now, grrr..........

Too long.....

....by far. So now there wil be a series of post by the subjects that are most pertinant.

Getting from A to B...

Cars, love em or hate em, most likely they are part of your life once you learn to drive you can become reliant on them, like me!

I've loved the Landies I've had over the last 5 or so years and had some great fun off-roading in them. I still love having the Discovery for the height and when it snows and when we go camping.

But since the change in my circumstances and the reduction in the number of days I can cycle into work the Disco is costing me a small fortune in fuel. So I guess it has to go. It's very sad indeed but we have to move on. Back to a boring car for me :-(

A weekend in Harrogit!!

I had a stunning weekend in Harrogit (as the gf pronounces it!).

It started really badly. a row on friday morning which threatened big things during hours of non-comunication. I was thinknig the worst and thought she was probably thinking the worst as she travelled up on the train. It errupted over breakfast and when I'd heard nothing by about 4 pm thought I'd text. At first she was ice cold but after a few words of explanation she seemed to melt and that gave me all the excuse I was looking for.

By the time I'd driven up there the next day she had obviously reasoned it out whilst enjoying the company of her closest friends. She was on good form.

A little later she went and got changed into a dress and shoes that made her look truly stunning. I could barely keep my eyes off her! I had n't realised she had legs like that!

So she buzzed around her long lost friends at her best pal's birthday party whilst I chatted to people I'd met earlier. She started with her ex. They were engaged when she was 18 and he was doing the disco. She was n't there long though but I think my presence might have stopped him from getting more friendly. We had a great night thou, drinking chatting and some pretty close dancing as well and everbody I met was just lovely.

Next day I hung around for a nice pub lunch before I had come home to await the kiddies at 5.30. She stayed another day to visit close friends who were frustrated that they did not get to meet her new man, and then her mum, lol.

Another year older, another year wiser...???

So, I woke up today and I magically find myself another year older and another year wiser. I don't really get birthday's. They are no different from any other day of the year, every day, in fact every second, we get a little older. It is a seemless process, not divided in quanta. Bar humbug eh?

I could write a complete blog under the Grumpy Old Man theme today if I wanted to. It would not be so hard gven the place I'm in right now. It's has been a pretty poor year, but I guess that is based on a relatively straight-forward life. Separation from someone you've been with for 19 years, no matter how clear it is that it has to happen, is a difficult thing. Every time you think you are getting a handle on it, getting to grips with life and coming through the other side, something happens to throw you right back into the quagmire.

Just when you don't need it too you find out that your job is under threat as well. The industry is really struggling at the moment and like other companies the loss of exclusivity of patents for bigggest-selling compounds is hurting. We will react by streamlining and everybody in my department is under threat. Newly divorced and redundant is really not a place I want to be. If that happens then I'll really find out what I'm made of.

Happy birthday Dave. Now, where did I put that bike.....

...and a new house!

Yes, I've finally found a new house to move into as the one I'm renting was recently sold. It's in Willingham and is a 3 bedroomed terraced place on a main road. The decor is a little tired but it is big enough upstairs and has ouddles of room downstairs if you include the utility room, garage and great conservatory. It has all white goods too. I managed to knock them down £55 pcm off the rent and get them to waive the admin charges so not a bad deal. The garden has an ok sized lawn and some decking. It is west facing so when I'm there in the evenings it should get lots of good light and sun both in the garden and conservatory. It has a drive big enough for atleast 2 cars out front and the garage for bikes.

It is very close to the "always open Co-op", the bus stop for Tom and the Duke of Cumberland with it's excellent pies and ale. Willingham also has a chinese and Indian takeaway, doctors surgery, post office, butchers, barbers and DIY place that I can remember off the top of my head.

I just need to get my head round the thought of physically packing up and moving and all the admin involved!!!

Excited.

Pharmaceutical intervention?

No one likes taking pills, but no one likes it when things are n't right, right? So at what point do you decide to seek pharmaceutical intervention? Usually it works but there is always a little risk and you don't want to start taking these things too often or you might miss them when you stop. You don't want to lightly start taking something that you could be on forever either so it is a tough call.

I'm gonna hit 42 soon so this question is probably going to get more and more relevant!

Of course, I work in the Pharma industry as well so probably know a little more than most about the good and not so good things that go on. I often can't say I'm proud to work in this industry, but just occassionally, I am. For instance when my company recently announced that it was donating over a million pounds per year to help save lives from common "3rd world diseases". Yet I still hear senior managers complaining that research is not delivering ebough considering what it costs.

I guess it has to be a case-by-case consideration. I recently decided to pop the pills. Hope it pays off and I don't regret it.

That was the weekend that was.....

...and it's nearly over! Why do they go so fast? I was denied the opportunity to spend saturday afternoon with my children which was a real shame. I did get to spend most of the weekend with my new lady (well not so new, it's been seven weeks now!) and that was nice.

Dust and distortion!!!

So, my trip to Japan got cancelled due to the Icelandic volcano doust cloud that is supposed to be hanging over the country. It's been so sunny for the last few days it is hard to imagine it being up there! I'd just got through the 4-5 days before "I don't wanna go" phase and at the day before I'd got into my usual "this is gonna be good!" place. So there were mixed feelings really. A bit of sadness (but the whole trip will probbably happen in May sometime) but some joy that in this beautiful weather I will get to spend extra time with the people around me that I love to spend time with. However, the dowside is that I will not get a weekend with the kids in the next 10 days due to other people's plans already made and the lack of a desire to change them. So for most of today (Saturday) I'm on my own.

There is only one thing to do in that case really (well once I've fed the OCD by cleaning the house!). That is to go and spend money I don't really have. Today I acquired locally (at t'interweb prices) a lurverly Boss Ds-1 distortion pedal. So I finally enter the land of foot-controlled guitar effects. I'm very much into the Chili Pepper's Otherside and as that has a nice distorted solo it's getting a bit of a hammering today. Hope the neighbours like it!

This week I have been told that I'm too negative all the time (there's an irony!) and that I have a bit of a dark side regarding my temper. I am aware that both of those are true to some extent but now I'm starting to wonder if there is more to them than I thought.

Stress....don't ya just love it?!!

Sooo much going on at the moment it's difficult to know what to concetrate on and writing blogs probably is n't one of them. I'm off to Japan on Saturday for a week of leadership training and then following a weekend free in Osaka I have to go on site to work for a day before flying home. I don't like long flights but luckily I'm in business class.

I've managed to upset somebody I'm starting to care about through my own thoughless actions. Trying to help people can sometimes get you into trouble with others if you don't understand each person's needs and/or get them balanced right.

I'm still trying to find a house as I'm getting kicked out of mine by a landlord who changed his mind about the "long-term investment" thing. Everything that is a bit more expensive than what I'm paying now is nothing like as nice so today I'm off to see one that is 30% more but if I take it on it will leave me completely broke.

Last weekend Steve, Andy and I started our "training" for the C2C. That will soon be the subject of another blog.

On top of all that I'm off work sick atthe mo which is a very rare event. A quite nasty virus based around D&V with more of the d than v, thrown in: awful aches and pains everywhere but my head and temperature going up and down and you are just about there. Fortunately, the timing is perfect as I should be all recovered for the big trip, thank goodness!

Lol, life is fun!

That was the week that was......

.....and like other weeks it has shot by. Granted it was just a four day week, and a real four day week at that, none of this "supposed to be a four day week but being too busy to take that day off that was booked" (and loosing holiday, what a sin!). Work is busy - it's the end of the financial year and that means lots of appraisal and objectives stuff to sort out to ensure everybody gets a fair pay rise and bonus for the year. There's the Leadership Course I'm on. That's causing work in two ways. Then there's the forthcoming trip to Japan, I have n't even started working on that yet. Then's there's the projects and the team. Still, I do like to be busy at work, nothing worse than having to look for stuff to do.

With work and the kids that has not left time for much else. Managed to get the car through it's MOT. When I called the garage they said it had passed without any work, that was strange because I was sure there was a sidelight not working. However, when I got there they said that a bracket holding up the centre section of the exhaust needed welding. I booked it in for next Friday when I can cycle to work.

Beyond that I have found a little time for dating this week. "She" was away last weekend when I did not have the kids so, frustrated, I had to amuse myself working, playing the guitar, going to a garden centre and riding my bike. I saw her for a cuppa on monday early evening, which was very nice but short. Then we spoke on the phone for some time late on Tuesday. Weds her routine had changed so no gym. I went round to hers and she had traditional pies for tea, super! What a treat. Then in spite of her hatred she let me watch the footy, what a star! She got so bored of the second half (poor thing!) she went upstairs to watch the little tele. I stayed down, watched the great Arsenal fightback against Barca (finished 2-2) and drunk her daughters beer!!!!

Thursday was busy. Car to garage, cycle to work, cycle back to garage and then back into town for "Bling ya Ting", beers and JD. it was very good nigth. Some of the acts were very talented.

So, it's Good Friday. I need to find a new house to rent. I need to do loads of work this weekend which will be tough as my mum has just landed (she's watching her beloved Heartbeat just now!). I have the kids from Sat 9 am until I take Mum back to the station on Monday lunchtime, then I'll want to spend as much time as possible with the beautiful one. But, as I said, it's great to be busy!!!

Life, love, friends and family. What's it all about?

The big question really is, why? What are we doing here if it's not just to re-create and enjoy life to the full? I find myself at a cross-roads in my own life, having recently separated and trying to re-invent myself. Trying to understand what I want from life beyond being a good father. I know I have my own needs just like everyone else. I've recently been reminded how much I enjoy the company of friends, my brother, a date (!), eating out (not just when travelling with work colleagues or entertaining Japanese visitors!) and going to the movies to see adult films (that's film my kids have n't chosen not the other type!). I've even started getting enthusiastic about work again, like I have n't been for quite a long time.

My ex-wife told me one of her friends had suggested I'm going through a mid-life crisis. Mid-life crisis or mid-life clarity??

There comes a time when I think you really have to challenge how things are, challenge the future that apears in front of you and really ask yourself, is this what I want until the day I die? If that's really not the case then you just have to do something about it, if you get to the point where it is clear that change can't come as a couple then sadly, you're on your own again. After the best part of 20 years and three kids that's really really hard. It's not what was wanted really, you don't get married because you love someone a bit, you expect it to be forever. You are full of hopes and dreams about travelling the journey through life together.

So you start out again. You're sharing the kids, sharing the cash, you've chosen to move out of the family home in order to try to disrupt the kids as little as possible. Your own place is small and lacks the family vibe. You're sad and lonely and it takes quite a while before that starts changing. In my case you start drinking too much, to escape back into a high spirits for a while. After some time though you start thinking about the fresh start. You stop spending your sleepless nights beating yourself and your ex up. You relax, accept it and think "what now"? That's where I am and it's starting to come into view.

First post!

So, here I am! My blog !!! I have been inspired by a friend who blogs, occassionally, and feel it might be a great idea as a way to capture my thoughts, feelings and general musings of my life. I have gone through periods of life before where I have kept a diary but it has not lasted. However, the idea that I can up-load photos and maybe use it as a way to stay in touch when travelling or abroad on work duties appeals. I need to spend some serious time on here this week putting a steak in the ground, to say where I am in my life and what has gone on in the last year or so. There has been so much change, much upheaval and a lot of emotions. I think I can write about this stuff now because I'm certainly through the worst of it. Not beating myself or others up for what has happened and really just learning to accept it and go with the flow. So, lets see how this first blog looks and then we'll move onto important things!