Life, love, friends and family. What's it all about?

The big question really is, why? What are we doing here if it's not just to re-create and enjoy life to the full? I find myself at a cross-roads in my own life, having recently separated and trying to re-invent myself. Trying to understand what I want from life beyond being a good father. I know I have my own needs just like everyone else. I've recently been reminded how much I enjoy the company of friends, my brother, a date (!), eating out (not just when travelling with work colleagues or entertaining Japanese visitors!) and going to the movies to see adult films (that's film my kids have n't chosen not the other type!). I've even started getting enthusiastic about work again, like I have n't been for quite a long time.

My ex-wife told me one of her friends had suggested I'm going through a mid-life crisis. Mid-life crisis or mid-life clarity??

There comes a time when I think you really have to challenge how things are, challenge the future that apears in front of you and really ask yourself, is this what I want until the day I die? If that's really not the case then you just have to do something about it, if you get to the point where it is clear that change can't come as a couple then sadly, you're on your own again. After the best part of 20 years and three kids that's really really hard. It's not what was wanted really, you don't get married because you love someone a bit, you expect it to be forever. You are full of hopes and dreams about travelling the journey through life together.

So you start out again. You're sharing the kids, sharing the cash, you've chosen to move out of the family home in order to try to disrupt the kids as little as possible. Your own place is small and lacks the family vibe. You're sad and lonely and it takes quite a while before that starts changing. In my case you start drinking too much, to escape back into a high spirits for a while. After some time though you start thinking about the fresh start. You stop spending your sleepless nights beating yourself and your ex up. You relax, accept it and think "what now"? That's where I am and it's starting to come into view.

First post!

So, here I am! My blog !!! I have been inspired by a friend who blogs, occassionally, and feel it might be a great idea as a way to capture my thoughts, feelings and general musings of my life. I have gone through periods of life before where I have kept a diary but it has not lasted. However, the idea that I can up-load photos and maybe use it as a way to stay in touch when travelling or abroad on work duties appeals. I need to spend some serious time on here this week putting a steak in the ground, to say where I am in my life and what has gone on in the last year or so. There has been so much change, much upheaval and a lot of emotions. I think I can write about this stuff now because I'm certainly through the worst of it. Not beating myself or others up for what has happened and really just learning to accept it and go with the flow. So, lets see how this first blog looks and then we'll move onto important things!