Fear .....

I like to be scared occassionally, especially when it is short-lived and I'm pretty much in control and this is worth dwelling on ........

I like to read horror stories, if anybody apart form me actually reads this blog (ad I don't think anybody does) then you would see that quite a few of the books are horror based...... but they just don't scare me like they used to do years ago and I'm starting to loose interest.

I like the odd horror movie too. The Sixth Sense must be my fav film ever but then anything I watched directed by M Night Shalaban I've loved (sixth sense, the village, signs, unbreakable, all fantastic films!). The last good horror movie I saw was Paranormal Activity. I remember watching it in my last house, I was alone and being slightly scared I remember going up to bed wishing the kids were in the house with me!!

Then there is real fear. I think I'm actually a whole lot more insecure than I dare to let myself beleive. That seems to be demonstrated on a semi-regular basis. I think the unexpected and still unexplained breakdown of marriage (but I stopped trying to work it out ages ago) followed by my first new relationship in 20 years, getting dumped on Valentine's Day because her ex proposed and then the last relationship where I caught her touting herself on the web (!!!!) have left there scars. Still, these fears are sily. It's clear the wonderful woman I'm with now is nothing like the women I've been with before and she deserves the respect of trust.

Then there is real fear. This week I found out that someone close to me is not well. It probably is n't life-threatening but ... fuck ... I'm really scared now :-(